When couples come for support following the discovery of an affair/betrayal/infidelity, the injured person in the relationship may still be reeling from the impact of finding out the truth. This experience can be devastating, it can be deeply painful and creates a lot of shock and anger. Couples ask, can we get through this?
Esther Perel (2017 p.22) states that "at the core of betrayal today is a violation of trust: We expect our partners to act according to our shared set of assumptions, and we base our behaviour on that. It's not necessarily a particular sexual or emotional behaviour that comprises the betrayal: rather, it is the fact that the behaviour is not within the couple's agreement".
There may be several ways infidelity/betrayal in a relationship can take place: a love affair, a sexual recreational encounter, an emotional affair and this can include cyber face-to-face/anonymous/virtual/paid. The impact on the relationship still requires both parties to want to be able to reach out for help and work on repairing the relationship.
If couples have children together deciding what to do as a result of infidelity is an even harder decision.
In couples therapy, the therapist's role is to help both parties in a non-judgmental way, to work through the initial stage of helping both parties be able to have painful conversations about what happened. This may require difficult questions to be answered by the person who caused the infidelity/betrayal. The injured party might need support addressing the impact it has on their sense of self, "How could I let this happen", how did I not see it?".
The unfaithful person may need to address how they can make sense of why they were unfaithful, and how to manage their guilt and shame. Considering these issues, the next stage would be to help the couple explore why the infidelity/betrayal occurred in the first place. This requires both parties to reflect on what was the relationship like before the infidelity/betrayal. This might highlight poor communication in the relationship and why individual parties were not having their needs met. Reflecting and identifying these difficulties can help couples create recovery and repair in their relationship.
Esther Perel (2017) The State of Affairs, Rethinking Infidelity. U.K. Yellowkite.
https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/how-to-survive-infidelity/